Drew,
There's 2 ways to handle conditions like that - spend lots of money and effort on the boat, sail rig and your skills to try and make it safe or just sit it out until the wind drops to where you know you and your boat can handle it.
If you always take the 2nd choice, you'll never develop as a sailor. If you always take the first choice, one day you'll get bit. You need to find the balance that lets you face challenging conditions on safe terms, but be willing to stay on shore when it's too rough.
In this adventure, you started the thread asking "What's too rough?". You made the decision to go out, got bounced around a bit and made it back safe. Now you're the guy we can ask, "What's too rough?". You know yourself and your boat better than you did before, and you're in a better position to decide when it's safe or not, especially since you were asking if you just got away with it through luck.
It seems to me that you've found your balance. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.
Laszlo
I can say that 18 knots; wind opposite tide and resultant chop of at least 2 1/2 feet and water temps in low 60's made an outside limit for me. In the summer with water temps higher I might try a little tougher conditions. This will sound dramatic but I feel this experience has taught me the "soul" of the boat. Some of its frail but most is strong! It's quite humbling to look to your port and then look up and see a sailing vessel with a helm about 20 feet high roaring past you at some speed that makes your 6 knots look like you are standing still.
Sounds like others have the right scoop on setting up the NE sloop for reefing. I got the lug rig for my Skerry ordered with reef points for this very reason. If you can dope out the lines and rigging, you can likely get a sailmaker to add reef points, a reef tack and clew tack with reinforcing as needed, for less than you might think. If you are in the Annapolis area, there's lots around. I'd have to stare at the gunter rig a bit, but it should be not too hard to sort.
Don't forget jiffy reefing for when the wind comes up suddenly or conditions don't work out the way you thought they would. It's a very cheap insurance policy.
Laszlo